March 9th, 2005

Will Our Love Last: The Book

JL sent Chris and I this book last week.  I grabbed it and read it over the weekend.  Good read and makes a lot of sense to me.  In the past 2+ years or so, I have gone on a lot of dates.  All the would be relationships ended quick as 1 party was not interested in furthering it.  I was happy about that so not to waste time and drag out something that I knew was not going to work.  I reckon this attitude has kept a lot of these girls my friends and has led to more introductions…anyway, Leo the Love goddess, sent this book for Chris and I to read and I recommend it to anyone, married, engaged, or not at all.

The author, Sam R. Hamburg mixes us 30 years of martial therapy anecdotes and tonnes of practical observations on what types of couples are happy, and what types are not.

He discusses 3 things that couples should be as close as possible on, if they actually want to be happy in a life-long partnership.

1) Sexual Dimension – He says you gotta be attracted physically to your partner.  This is where love starts

2) Practical Dimension – common interests.  Do you have some/a lot of interests that you can share together?

3) Wavelength Dimension – See the world on a similiar wavelength.  This one made a lot of sense to me.  If you don’t see the world on a similiar wavelength, it is tough to feel that love long term.

Of course, I am explaining them in a super short manner – but he goes into each one in-depth and writes about how much is enough etc.  I reckon he is a bit humble as well, cuz he says, these are just patterns that he sees over years…sometimes, there are rule breakers.  It is just cool to hear about this guys perspective given that he has not only been married for 25+ years, he has been studying successful and unsuccessful marriages for 30+ years.   

Check out this book ie Buy Will our Love Last at Amazon or ask Chris/I to borrow when he is done with it.

8 Responses to “Will Our Love Last: The Book”

  1. tickles says:

    martial therapy? Like beating the crap out of your husband when he won’t wash the dishes? 🙂

  2. Sean says:

    Exactly 🙂 – maybe the best way to make your mate do something.

  3. Mary says:

    I’ll have the library get me a copy. Sounds like a worthwhile read – for all relationships to some degree.

  4. Joe E says:

    Matt Dillon used martial therapy.

  5. Jen Leo says:

    The backstory on this is that a dear friend of mine was worried about my seven year track record of waiting for men who aren’t invested in me. So, when Sean says Love Goddess, he means it in the sense that I believe in love more than anything, value it on all levels of relationships, and it is always my favorite thing to topic about. For twenty years I’ve been helping my guy friends prep for a date, plan the perfect valentine’s day, and get themselves out of trouble when their girl is pissed. I’m not quite a female Hitch, but I enjoy talking about Love and Romance and how to make it better.

    So, my worried friend happened to work in the same building as a marriage counselor/divorce mediator, or something like that. One day they run into each other in the halls, and he says, so, I’ve got this girl. What can I do to help her. And the counselor says, have her read this book.

    Well, I read the first third and it is eye opening for sure. I loved the situations both bad and good, that he told about the couples that had come into his office over the many years and why they were or weren’t a good match for each other.

    I appreciate reading it now so I can place greater importance on things that are going to help me have a long lasting relationship as opposed to one that I might think is just a deep connection on whatever level—mental, emotional, spiritual, or otherwise.

    Thankfully I’ve only had a few friends get divorced. But looking at one of those relationships, I can see how this book would’ve helped. Sam the author says that you should not get married if you have any doubt at all. He’s not talking about cold feet, he’s talking about doubt. Just don’t do it. And that makes sense to me because I’ve seen a friend get married with plenty of doubt, and it didn’t work out. Why do it?

    The way I see it, choosing a partner is choosing the history we are creating with our lives. It is our story. And most of all, we are choosing the parent of our children. To love your future kids is to pick the best possible parent that you can for them. And a lot of that means choosing a partner that will create a happy secure homelife. Again, this is history in the making. Not just lust or love or something to be taken lightly.

    And now I’ve become way more serious than the author’s tone! Sean, get on down here so we can have a coffee morning or afternoon workout and talk about the guts of this book! I’m so glad you liked it.

  6. AntSaint says:

    Will Our Love Last?

    This sounds like a great read. How do your and your partner’s interests mesh… and diverge? How is your

  7. Mary says:

    Just started reading this absolutely fantastic book – a must for everyone, in my opinion. It verbalizes what I have felt, and I see where my own marriage has faltered and risen.

    For those who are in happy marriages or not, you’ll learn something and enjoy it while you’re doing it.

    And I’m only at the beginning!

    Something to say for martial therapy, Joe. I’ve missed your posts.

  8. Love Goddess says:

    Sean likes it when I tell him stories about my college boyfriend, Fred. He was probably the biggest romantic I’ve ever been with, and when I reminisce over the good stuff Sean says Fred is someone he’d like as a friend.

    Anyway, for some reason I was over at Will Wheaton’s blog tonight and read a post that reminded me of Fred, which reminded me of Sean liking Fred stories. So, here’s a good one. First the Will link…

    “There are only two things that have survived from that period of my life. The first is a love of Jazz music (if you haven’t stayed up all night listening to Miles Davis, you haven’t . . . well, stayed up all night listening to Miles Davis. Sorry, bad example. But it really is cool. Oh, and when the weather warms up, there’s nothing quite like Charlie Parker, and when you love someone so much your heart aches, Chet Baker is your guy.)”

    Fred took a jazz class at UCLA while we were going out, and he introduced me to Chet Baker. (I love it when new people in your life open your mind to new things) And what Will says here couldn’t be more true. Chet Baker should be on a High Fidelity list of Top Five musicians to make love to. All of his albums are good listening for dinners for two, hanging out with someone you are falling in love with (not just dating), writing love letters to, and for indulging in pure agony when heartbroken. I recently bought one of my favorite albums of his, Grey December. Part of me wants to feel the fullness of emotions that will come when I listen to it, but the other part of me doesn’t want to feel the emptiness. Not for Fred, but the music is so deep, so emotive, that you’re bound to tap into feelings of joy or lonliness you weren’t expecting to feel.

    Chet Baker. Fall asleep together to him.

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